I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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