So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
