saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
