So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
