so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fuck appropriateness.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's always time for handjobs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
