i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
