I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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