how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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