Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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