i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
