I wish I only lived at night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
