I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
