he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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