This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
