a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
