come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
