I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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