Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
