well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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