yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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