i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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