so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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