Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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