I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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