Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
