Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
