wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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