my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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