Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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