I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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