billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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