she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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