i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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