my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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