Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
