I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
