Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
