Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
