the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
