let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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