I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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