The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
