just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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