You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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