i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
