im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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