If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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