I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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