Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
