at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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