So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
