I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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