I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
