did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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