I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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