My room smells like vodka and shame
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
