So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
