I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
