i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
