I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
