My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
