he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
