I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All the doctor said was why
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
