he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
