i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
