just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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