I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
