I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
