my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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