i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
