she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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