Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
