whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
3pm strippers are depressing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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