Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wear drunk well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
