OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
