So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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