I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
not ubering you a puppy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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