Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
