I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
