I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
