2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
