he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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